1. Using Scriptures To Shela The tendency by brothers to use spiritual gifts to lure lovers has been in place for years. Back in the day, they used dreams but now brothers are using the didactical exegesis of scriptures to sway sisters. They use prophesies and the name of God to charm unsuspecting sisters. To some women it works and others it doesn’t. And when they no longer want a relationship, they use God to dump sisters. “God didn’t confirm” they say. I wonder if God confirmed when they were using, misusing and abusing the sister. 2. Assuming Saved People Are Saints Just because someone is born again doesn’t mean they don’t have character flaws. Saved people can be toxic. They can be abusive too. They can make your life a living hell while speaking in heavenly tongues. Take time to know people. Don’t assume. Some people who are saved need more than prayers. In addition to prayer they need professional help them deal with the mess they carry. 3. Sinning Irresponsibly The assumption that Christians don’t indulge in erotic theatrics outside the confines and parameters of marriage has caused headaches and heartaches. Hehehe, ba ikhutswa. I don’t encourage sex before marriage. I encourage abstinence and keeping things pure. However I am aware that most people are kicking it. Today many are suffering a lifetime of consequences brought by minutes and moments of pleasure. My advice, not from God but personal opinion of me, myself and I, is that if you are going to fall into sexual sins at least be responsible. In a case of falling, God is always willing to forgive but consequences are to be endured or enjoyed by the fallen. 4. Ignorance One aspect of Christianity, as taught to most of us, is that it has majored on protecting people from what is deemed harmful. Most Christians have not empowered themselves to pursue knowledge outside Christianity. This has effect on their decision making. When a lady is looking for a lover and then a Bishop comes out with scriptures. All sister wants is to be serenaded with sweet sounds of Anthony Hamilton, John Legend and co but the Bishop is decoding the 70 Years Prophecy of Daniel. Brother has to know when to put on the Bishopric regalia and when to dress in lover’s robes. And the ladies said. . . 5. Dating Unsaved People Sisters, I need your amen also here. “Brothers in the church are worse than unsaved guys”. This overused line has been used by sisters in their justification of dating unsaved people. Love indeed knows no boundaries. Is love a choice or an emotion? Leaving saved for unsaved is like jumping out of the frying pan and straight into the fire. Generally dating is risky, whether whoever you date is anointed or not. Discernment becomes key in making your decision. Don’t rush, take your time, and consult wise council and wisdom from above in prayer. Go boima! I go deeper on this in my book – Wait To Be Seated. 6. Trying to Change a Partner No one can change a person unless that person is willing to. Actually is not even your place to change anyone. That’s the work of Jesus. Most people have this hope that they can change people. If someone is not compatible with you, just let them go no matter how cute they are. If you force things, you will end up abusing the person or getting abused. 7. Overreliance on the Pastor’s Opinion A pastor’s opinion is valued in most Christians’ lives and that’s a good thing. Pastors, with biblically inclined wisdom, should be considered. However some people make mistakes of falling for people because their pastors like them. Pastors often encourage people to get together. Often times they match make. However don’t make a mistake of liking someone for your pastor. Like them for you. 8. Marrying To Cover Pregnancy Hastily marrying because she fell pregnant and you want to cover pregnancy can have detrimental consequences on the future. Sometimes having a baby with someone doesn’t mean you have to marry them. People have kids without loving each other. It happens. And also, it should be remembered that children, no matter circumstances surrounding their conception or birth, remain a blessing from the Lord. Marriage is a lifetime commitment so don’t ever be in a rush to marry. Don’t right a wrong by committing another. 9. Desperation The hankering and hungering for a relationship can lead to desperation. People desperate to fall in love often make wrong decisions by dating or marrying wrong people. Desperation should never be a factor in considering marriage. Age is just a number. It’s work of grace to get married. Some marry at 21 and divorce at 23. Some marry at 21 and live happily ever after. Some marry at 40 and divorce at 45 and others marry at 45 and live happily ever after. So never let desperation be a factor in deciding who you date or marry. 10. Marrying a Gift I think it’s great to have someone you can pursue the purpose of God with as a spouse. It’s good when your visions are intertwined and you can serve the Lord together. Ministry role is important, but marrying someone for their gift may be risky. What if their vocal cords fail them? What if he gives up the preaching? What if he doesn’t reach his potential? I am not discouraging anyone. What I am saying is that there’s a need to find balance. I believe it’s a massive blessing to marry someone who meets your criteria and they can also link and click with you ministry-wise. Love shouldn’t be discarded. Love is key. By the way, marriage is a ministry on its own. NB: For more nuggets on this get a copy of my book– Wait To Be Seated. To get your copy dial or text +27 72 502 6727 (WhatsApp).