Many a times, it’s rare for single people to paint a real picture when discussing or dissecting their status.

There’s often political correctness when revealing one’s singleness. Single and satisfied, single and happy, single and not looking. There’s a level of pride, in many a single peple, where it’s hard, if not impossible, for one to say ‘I am single and desperate’, ‘single and regretting’. Singleness can be a touchy issue since a relationship contributes massively to the happiness or sadness of people. Many can’t stand a discussion around their singleness. Now imagine a young woman dreaming of a prince charming and a happily ever after. It happened to Tintswalo Christian Nkuna but it ended in tears. She was single, got married and got single again.

In the aftermath of her relationship, a marriage that crumbled, Nkuna wrote a book aptly titled Single Again. In what is her first book, Nkuna lays bare her struggles – a bruised ego, a self-esteem that dwindled, shattered dreams, cheating shenanigans and the sufferings of relationships. She opens up about her struggles as a married woman, who had to deal with infidelity. When her former husband sought comforts and delights outside the confines of their matrimonial parameters, she asked one too many questions.

“I suppose people who cheat are hooked so much by the fact that they no longer feel bad about it. They are in awe of the novelty of the person to a point of not caring that they are hurting their partners. I thought about what could have made him fall back into her arms so many times, what could have numbed his conscience?  What did she have that I didn’t have?” she wrote.

“A voice in me said there are many women who have been cheated on before and they stayed to fight for their love. I too must stay especially because we had just had a baby and I wasn’t ready to be a single mother. I felt I’d have to explain my reasons to friends and family and I didn’t have the strength to do so.  I loved him and had been so attached to him and the life we were living that life without him was scary.”

Nkuna, a born again Christian, also shows the attitudes and approaches on marital problems by the Christian community. How do you handle a cheating spouse – leave or cheat or pray or stay? When a relationship collapses, it affects your outlook on life. Nkuna’s life changed dramatically and she shares how she embarked on a journey to pick her life up after a devastating divorce. Having to move from couples fellowship to singles can’t be a walk in the park.

“If you ever thought being single is hard try being single again. The dating field can be ruthless period in its beauty can be a beast. When you’ve been hurt your love doesn’t slow as freely as it did before. You become cautious and build walls too high for anyone to come in. Yet deep down in your heart you wish someone would demolish those walls and save you,” said Nkuna.

For Nkuna to air her laundry in public and exposing her struggles is commendable. Her book has the potential to help those in similar situation to face their challenges and pursue healing, which she has done in the book. Though Single Again can be a companion for many women, married and unmarried, it can also be a mirror for men to look at their deeds and the effect they have on women.

 

 

 

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